Quick Check In

Just wanted to check in with everyone. I know that it has been a while but my brain just hasn't been working right which really makes it difficult to write. I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to write me emails to check in with me. Your thoughts and prayers have helped get me through the past few months. Nothing really major is going on with my brain--well--there is a cyst in my brain but the neuro said that it is not a big deal--but the past six months I have had an increase in headaches and some vision problems. I go to see the eye doctor next week so I am really just waiting to see what her feeling is. My feeling is that I don't think this latest flareup is related at all to my lupus because it is not responding at all to steroids or any of my chemo meds. Usually when I take a "blast" of steroids--my headaches will go away--but these headaches have not. Also, I have been having a lot of trouble with memory loss and cognitive function--just stringing together sentences that make sense--which again is why I haven't really been posting much. However today is a good day so I am happy for that. I saw my kidney doc who was worried that I may be "Septic"--which basically means that I have an infection that has taken over my whole body because my immune system is so shot. If I was running a temp in the office, I was going to have to be admitted immediately--THANKFULLY...I wasn't running a fever. I haven't been able to get to church barely at all the past few months. I was able to get to Christmas Mass. I just have to try and make it my goal--and be happy when I DO make it. I figure, right now, with all of the cold and flu going around--it is just as well that I am staying home--but still--I miss going.

Well--that's all for now. As always--I believe in the power of prayer. It is the greatest gift we can give to one another.

Gentle hugs,

January 2004 ...At least I was in church :)

Whew...it's been a rough couple of months. First of all. I hope each and every one of you has had a most Blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I hope this New Year is filled with love, happiness, good health and PEACE for all. (Not too much to ask, huh??)
I had a stroke on Christmas Eve while attending Mass. I guess if one is going to have a stroke...being in God's house is probably one of the better places. Fortunately, I didn't sustain too much damage afterwards. I did have to undergo a three day blast of steroids (UGH!!) and also have to take a third chemotherapy agent to try and get the central nervous system inflammation under control. (My lupus attacks my brain and central nervous system and the "chemo" helps to attack the lupus)
It is a bit harder for me to figure things out. I get frustrated a lot easier.
I am so lucky that God has blessed me with such a patient and loving husband. Sometimes I think that it is truly harder for Tom to endure this than it is for me. I definitely believe it is harder for loved ones to watch their loved one suffer. Moms want to "kiss it and make it better"...dads will go the distance to find what's "broken and "fix it" Husbands close their eyes and pray...let my wife wake up in the morning...just a simple prayer...nothing more...Well, you get what I am trying to say...I hope :)
Thank you to all who take the time out to send a note or who sign the guestbook. I really appreciate it :) My website is truly a labor of love and sometimes it is a struggle to keep it going but I just ask God to continue to direct and inspire me.
Please be kind to one another. Smile at a stranger :) Open a door for someone. Just treat others as you would want others to treat you...or your grandmother...or your daughter...
Well, I should end for now. Please keep us in your prayers.
Hugs,
Shelley

July 2002 Becoming Golden

July 2002 UpdateHope that this message finds each one of you healthy and in good spirits :)Thanks to all who have stopped by recently and either signed my guestbook or have sent me private email. Your continued encouragement and prayer helps me more than you can possibly know!The past month has been pretty difficult. I have been in excruciating pain. I found out (after several MRIs) that now my spine is starting to degenerate because of the long term steroid use. I am sort of in a tough spot because my lupus is pretty viscous against my central nervous system so I have to take steroids; but at what cost?? Do I want to risk another stroke or just want as my bones pretty much turn to dust? Sorry...it sounds so depressing.A very nice man sent me a private email in which he reminded me to think of my suffering as being in the fire and becoming golden. Once, I started to envision that...it really did help! I am so blessed to be able to share my website with you because you guys help me in so many ways. I hope to be able to help you as well!At first, I was sort of wary of sharing my story, but now I know that it is God's will because so many people private email me to tell me that my story has touched their lives in a certain way.All I know is that if I didn't have faith....I would not be here today. I feel as if I am on a journey and I am glad that you are all journeying right along side me. I really believe that we all have our crosses to bear...we all have our sufferings...maybe your sufferings may not be physical...perhaps emotional or financial or even spiritual....whatever your sufferings, please place your worries in the hands of God and let Thy will be done. I am always amazed at the outcome whenever I finally just relent and say...Ok. God, I am giving this up to you! Sometimes the result is something totally unexpected but in the end...is exactly what I needed.Please continue to keep us in your prayers and I will continue to keep you in my prayers each night.Until next time,

Shelley

July 2003 Hey, Stop squeezing me so Tight!!

Well, I guess I am going to TRY to get up to speed with the rest of the world and try to "blog" in hopes that this will speed up my website. If I continue at this rate, My story page is going to really S-L-O-W down the works...eventually I will have to start to archive OR blog...so I guess I will try to blog....you know what they say about teaching old dogs new tricks....so bear with me.Anyway, hopefully, this will benefit everyone...I envision someone out there with a slow connection grumbling...thinking...hrumph...this BETTER be worth it...and then thinking..I WAITING this long for THIS...LOL!As always, life is an adventure...so hang on, right? Lately, I really have had to draw on a lot of faith and probably the strength and power of all of the prayers that I know I have in my life. I remind myself what St. Therese said about "Jesus squeezing her too tightly" when she was in so much pain...and she would ask Jesus to stop squeezing her so tightly...so when I get to that point...I do the same...and somehow...it seems as if the pain subsides and I am able to bear it out.I have battled infections after infections and then found out I have kidney stones I have been trying to flush them out as any sort of procedure with all of my other medical conditions (and being on blood thinners, chemo, and steroids) is really not an option that I want to consider.Always an adventure. Life is never boring, huh??Remember to pray for one another. It truly is the greatest gift we can give to one another...and it is FREE!! Yet, think how precious and powerful it is!! HOW AWESOME it is!! Pray for someone today!! You will feel so much better! Promise :)Well, I guess I will end this blog for now.Until next time,Gentle hugs,Shelley